Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
