my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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