Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
