Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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