I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
