ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
