I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
