NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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