I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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