Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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