All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
