How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
