The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
My vagina is officially offended.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
