Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
