I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize