whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
