i dedicated my morning wood to you.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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