Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
His hands were made for my vagina.
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just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
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I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up