Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Put some vodka in it
put some vodka in it