you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Boobs are out for the taking
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater