Texts From Last Night

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  (312): View more from Illinois

  i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it

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  (312): i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it http://tfl.nu/tzqh
  Replies (92) Good night (7295) Bad night (1872) Order T-Shirt
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  (425): View more from Washington

  you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it

  (206): View more from Washington

  youre the best friend ever

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  (425): you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it (206): youre the best friend ever http://tfl.nu/6oyc
  Replies (46) Good night (20362) Bad night (910)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.

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  (573): They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt. http://tfl.nu/azqc
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  (817): View more from Texas

  If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.

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  (817): If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun. http://tfl.nu/31s3
  Replies (8) Good night (1318) Bad night (1433) Order T-Shirt
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  (845): View more from New York

  You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.

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  (845): You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign. http://tfl.nu/2tl8
  Replies (15) Good night (2470) Bad night (777) Order T-Shirt
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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.

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  (763): The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins. http://tfl.nu/k74l
  Replies (8) Good night (2424) Bad night (643) Order T-Shirt
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt

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  (704): ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt http://tfl.nu/lv1t
  Replies (5) Good night (876) Bad night (2077) Order T-Shirt
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.

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  (603): He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing. http://tfl.nu/abhc
  Replies (3) Good night (559) Bad night (1351)
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  (310): View more from California

  Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.

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  (310): Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine. http://tfl.nu/yujo
  Replies (5) Good night (655) Bad night (1210) Order T-Shirt
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"

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  (216): I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely" http://tfl.nu/sd7p
  Replies (27) Good night (1238) Bad night (3426) Order T-Shirt
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  (561): View more from Florida

  I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.

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  (561): I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you (860): I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this. http://tfl.nu/r7r6
  Replies (5) Good night (1249) Bad night (356)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday

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  (724): On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday http://tfl.nu/c6y1
  Replies (3) Good night (1266) Bad night (318) Order T-Shirt
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  (631): View more from New York

  Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"

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  (631): Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet" http://tfl.nu/2suf
  Replies (12) Good night (1031) Bad night (343)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...

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  (706): I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up... http://tfl.nu/4p4z
  Replies (7) Good night (1303) Bad night (299) Order T-Shirt
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.

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  (586): I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them. http://tfl.nu/3swq
  Replies (2) Good night (400) Bad night (186) Order T-Shirt

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