I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I intend to get homeless drunk
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
