I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
