Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
