New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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