I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
i've created a new STD.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
