Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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