A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
