Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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