And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
