Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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