you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize