the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
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We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
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If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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