You made me cry and you don't even care
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
