tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
