I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
