I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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