i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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