You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
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Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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