It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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