i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Don't EVER smell your tampon
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
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Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize