I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
he thought i was a dude.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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