after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
