my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize