Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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