I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
