when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
