Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
