Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
