he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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