i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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