You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
