My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
