how can u be prego again
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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