I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
