I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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