I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Randomize