Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
