He disabled his match.com account in front of me
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
